margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
