I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
