did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
