we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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