I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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