john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize