Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like eating out sand paper
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
