Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
