Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
