none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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