My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
