That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
