explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
