if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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