i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I cut my penus on the lid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
