Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
