He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
