I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize