I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
