I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
