I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
