i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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