He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We got so high we made milksteak
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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