She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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