i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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