I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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