that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
