I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
