Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
