I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
