She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
