Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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