Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
