I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
