So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
