i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
