i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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