if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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