Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
