Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
