tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
