Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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