Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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