i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
