Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
