Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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