i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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