There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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