I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
