I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize