your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
