the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
