with your own penis?
I smell stomach acid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have already put on my inside pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
