Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
