My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
