upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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