I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk is a universal language darling
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
