Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
