I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
