don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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