I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My penis needs a shock collar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
