im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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