Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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