So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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