omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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