so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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