Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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