im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
