I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
