You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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