I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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