You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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