At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
is it fun? or sober?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
