Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
