it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
