Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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