The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
