What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
