i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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