No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
