WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
