are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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