Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize