my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
