Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
