First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
