I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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