she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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