I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
