i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
