oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
