do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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