Plan B is the new Plan A
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
