my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
