I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
