This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
