i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize