She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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