You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
