Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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