if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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