Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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