Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
