Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
honey bunches of taint.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
