im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
