Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
