Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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