Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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