for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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