My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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