no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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