I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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